NOW HERE’S A THING

Nigel Henson

MIND THE GAP?
CLOSE THE GAP?
TICKLE THE GAP?
I’M DAMNED IF I KNOW!

A LEGEND OF TRUTH.

  “Once upon a time, the legends tell,

    Truth, rising from the bottom of her well,

 Looked on the world, but hearing how it lied

Returned to her seclusion, horrified.”

   RUDYARD KIPLING.

“Hello. Good evening, and welcome to the Frost Report. I am David Frost. Tonight, we have as a guest….”

These were the opening lines plus signature tune to the ITV Wednesday prime time evening show aired in the British Isles plus other linked stations in the 1960’s. The whole of Western Europe came to a halt for an hour as David Frost, the legendary interrogator and investigative journalist revolutionised the way prominent personalities, prime ministers, presidents, prisoners, paupers, pirates and politicians (same thing) were handled by the media. Frost invented the technique, and when he died as Sir David Frost in 1913, the mould shattered in shock.

David Frost was a talent, the likes of whom will never be seen again. Debonair, classy, good looking and thoroughly charming, Frost interviewed on his programme every British Prime Minister from Sir Alec Douglas Home to David Cameron: every US president from Nixon to Clinton.

The high and mighty dreaded receiving an invitation to participate on David’s show, for it meant a battering, as Frost, like a surgeon or the best legal silk would plot, and then strike: carving his bird, having at his fingertips in-depth research, a lightning-fast brain, all part of the foundation for his assassination plan.

Every interviewee dared not refuse an invitation for a bit of a chat for fear of being dubbed a coward: in the same breath the target dreaded accepting: reminiscent of a small boy ram -rod stiff, standing outside the headmaster’s door, awaiting a damned good birching. By the time the hour was up, Frost’s guest would be floundering and at a loss for words as he was swamped by his contradictions in his speech and deed.

In a skilful much-researched series of five debates, Frost trapped Richard Nixon (35th President of the US who resigned ahead of his inevitable impeachment) into an admission of his guilt in the Watergate affair. You may recall the movie “Frost/ Nixon” which became a worldwide hit (spoiled by the fatuous impersonation of Frost by the shallow David McCullum). The final interview “I gave them a sword” so well captures the fright of an ex-President who has been skinned alive.

I met David Frost. (True story.) I was introduced to him at some society coming- out ball at the Hyde Park hotel in 1967.  Hearing I was one of Ian Smith’s military, he sauntered over, but soon departed, when he realised (correctly) that I was but a callow youth- there were better pickings at the hors d’oevres table.

 As great swordsman, David would have his quarry’s knickers in his pocket before she had even taken a sip of champagne.

Yet one of his interviews remains etched on my memory: before, or shortly after Rhodesia’s Unilateral D of I, he first interviewed Harold Wilson in London (British PM at the time- whom Frost dismembered from his kidney dish); then on he flew to Salisbury to arm wrestle Ian Smith (Rhodesian PM) with a view to putting Wilson’s case.

In a sixty-minute fencing bout, Frost never scored a point – Smith blocked him at every turn, and finally gave David the sword as had no other who had gone before.   Frost with rare grace, candidly admitted later that he had never bested Smith.

Smith was never a proven liar- the closest he came to being accused of lying was by Daily Telegraph correspondent Christopher Munnion (author of the brilliantly satirical novel” Banana Sunday”) in an interview in 1979 who made the claim that-

” Smith was lying and he knew that I knew he was lying”

This statement was made by Munnion shortly before Lancaster House. Subtle pressure- Carrington?

 Chris Munnion’s Widow, Denise was good enough to attend my book launch in Orange Grove in 2022.

As the French say- “ne jamais expliquer, ne jamais se plaindre”

………. Sorry … I’m butting in…excuse my wittering on, but has anyone seen Emmerson the alligator last heard of at Crooks corner?

The very devil of it-perhaps he is still on the mugwagwa (native Zimbabwean translation of ‘road’.)

Of course, the reason why I dwell so much on Frost was that, behind the charm, the smile, the beguile, Frost sought only one thing…THE TRUTH.

 So, twelve years after maestro David’s death, are we further – or closer to the truth?

 – If we were, now that would be a thing. Is the gap between the truth and what we commonly hold to be the truth wider-or narrower? Let us explore.

STOP PRESS – Mnangagwa reportedly holds a reception for a Cuban delegation in Harare on 5 November-he’s there, but is he still the main dude? The truth eludes us.

Ever since the newly emerged African countries lost their colonial masters, these nouveau politicians have been subjected to all manner of spin, misleading crap, false suggestion and downright lies by their counterparts in the world. African politicians have a knack with the dialogue of double speak and innuendo -they have developed a style of their own, to the point where they are the world leaders in telling soft, and extreme lies.

Throughout Africa, the gap between fact and fiction has widened to a point where every Serengeti migration could be driven through chasms larger than the Grand Canyon.

By way of example, let us examine recent South African Government Statements against the actual truth

• Fiction…. (Early March 2025). Eskom announces Stage three announces due to unplanned outages at certain plants. (This was later upgraded to Stage 6 for three days.)

• Fact…  Eskom is bankrupt. They failed to pay their diesel supplier R500m in arrears     for fuel. Stand -by for more clowns by candlelight.  

                                                 MIND THE GAP- it cannot be bridged

• Fact. No jet fuel at the country’s largest airport. Incoming and outgoing flights delayed.

                                                                                                                                                                          Fiction (By the Deputy Minister). The baseless allegation that flights abroad are disrupted by lack of jet fuel are mischievous, and do immense damage to our beautiful country aboard. The truth is that there is a temporary imbalance between demand and supply at OR Tambo. The situation will self- correct when supply is level with demand.

                                                      MIND THE GAP? …FFS    

                                         There is much to reflect on here.

Certainly, the spectacular rise and plethora of social media such as Facebook/Snap Chat/ Tik Tok/  Instagram and thousands of blogs and podcasts that have mushroomed in the last thirty years have made the business of mining the truth infinitely more painstaking, and in  the same  time frame, there  have risen political party spin doctors, government spokesmen, sources , ‘it is understood’ etc etc etc: this enables those under interrogation  and under the spotlight to wriggle out of the last bolthole by retorting’

“I didn’t say that-please check your sources.”

 The South African politicians have an easy time concealing the truth.

Take a last example, and probably the most chilling-

• Fiction; From the Minister OF Defence. (Abridged). South Africa have lost 13 brave soldiers in battles with M23 and Rwandan forces in the DRC. The Army is working hard to ensure our forces remain well equipped.

• Fact:  The troops there are ill, equipped, poorly trained, outgunned and poorly led. Lack of airpower is a telling factor. Critical supplies of ammunition and food are needed. It took two weeks to evacuate the dead, wounded and sick to South Africa using chartered aircraft. Amongst those evacuated there two pregnant officers.

• Further Fiction:  The Minister acknowledges that there might be gaps in the inventory. But, remember, she continued, the forces there are equipped to handle peacekeeping, they are not equipped for war.

                   WHAT? WHAT SHIT! YOU SEND SOLDIERS INTO A WAR ZONE IN THE

                   KNOWLEDGE THAT THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF DEFENDING THEMSELVES?

South Africa is the only supposed democracy in the world where a politician, and government would survive in the face of such callous and brutal circumstance.

To the sad fate of all South Africans, this is the kind of rubbish that is trotted out every day.

The electorate have become so apathetic after nearly thirty years of been drowned in misinformation that they no longer question any dicey statement. They don’t give a fig about whether any statement on any matter is true or not-the vast majority don’t have time for that-hey are too preoccupied with trying to scratch out a livelihood.

In addition, local investigative journalism is of a poor standard, and easily defeated by layers and layers of lies.

Is the situation any different elsewhere?

As English speakers, we turn to Europe for comparison

For those who can recall, “political spin” really came of age (and achieved a modicum of respectability) when Alistair Campbell weaved his magic as advisor to Tony Blair (British PM) in late in the last century and earlier this millennium. Campbell, architect of double speak kept New Labour in power for years: architect, a magician, a manipulator, and a celebrated shyster, Campbell would always turn bad news into the acceptable and untouchable truth.

Lovable Al though, hoisted his own petard when MI5 forced his resignation for influencing the contents of intelligence reports.

His boss Tony stepped down shortly afterwards.

The event that led to these departures was the suicide on Hampstead Heath of an investigative weapons journalist Dr David Kelly) who claimed Blair and his cabal “sexed up” the existence of weapons of mass destruction to justify Britain’s entry into the Iraq war. The exact circumstances that led to his death remain unsolved.

Remember-we were told about Sadaam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction? How Scud rockets would soon be pounding Sloane Square? True story! Bomb shelters hit their retail heights? Mother!

Most of the Western world’s leaders know their boundaries… too many checks, balances and public scrutiny prevent them from dishing out porky pies- there is a limit to how far they can stray.

Critical to the truth process as our Sicilian Scuderia chant-

“He who knows where the bodies are buried is master of the truth.”

Following this suggestion, and standing outside Parliament, I interviewed members of the GNU as they emerged from a meeting.

The question was he same in each case. pretty direct in fact, hoping to shock the target into submission.

   “Do you know where there are any bodies are buried?”

 The following responses are a matter of record (really?)-

• Buffalo Nose (Likes to be called Gruffalo when he gets pissed off after second question…… Bootys? -of course-look in the cushions at Phala Phala.

• John Henry… Sorry, I am late for a nail appointment…must dash…mummy is waiting.

• Greedy Mantashe (nasty little man-he knows the location of every one) … Dunno… are      you looking for someone specific?

• Gondwana (he of hat) …I believe you should chat with Emmerson the gator. Do you       know where he is?

• Minister of Defence…a touchy subject right the moment.

• Minister of Health…we are opening up health to all-…our view is- we need to free the nipple.

Questions swatted away with arrogance and contempt. It is the ANC’s way-or one of them anyway-of dealing with any enquiry.

So as inhabitants of this beautiful land, we are forced to live under a blanket of lies. Unless something is done, the situation can only deteriorate. Can this be achieved? What is the    time frame?

Realistically, there are only three conduits to correct this- the Public Protector…the electorate…the Press.

The Office of the Public Protector is, for all we know, on vacation-it has been so for the last few years. Thuli Madonsela was the last effective Director…she uncovered a veritable cemetery when JJZ, the Mathematics Professor was the Head Honcho.

Currently, not even the Parliamentary opposition seem enthusiastic about reviving this institution. Why?

Obvious. Plenty of bodies have been buried by every political party in South Africa. A convenient trade off ‘qu’est-ce-ca’?

The electorate could not care less. Do not rely on them.

The Free Press is really the institution who could reverse the situation. A properly trained and motivated investigative Press Corps would uncover corpses as did our dear David.

The fundamental obstacle here-there is no money in it…no dough average JOE- fok all, in fact.

                                         NOW…that is really a thing

                TAKE HEED: If you find that you have been nodding off during this-

                                     perhaps indulge in a bit of nostalgia…………………………….

                                        “’I’d lie for you… (and that’s the truth)”

Legendary Blues and Heavy Metal Artist – MEAT LOAF:1995.